Our seventh episode of “in the hearts of men” podcast

This is the seventh episode of Robbie J. Bone and Kirby Freeman’s Podcast: In the hearts of men.

In today’s episode, we discuss How to Make Love and What ‘Making Love’ Truly Means | In the Hearts of Men Ep. 7

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[00:00] Welcome everyone to another episode of In the Hearts of Men podcast and we’re here once again and today we’re talking about love making and talking about some of our experiences around love making, how to make love and also the beauty that that brings into our life and into our relationships and how it can be in
[00:23] the bedroom. However, it also transcends the bedroom. It’s really a way of being and a state of consciousness that we can cultivate in our relationship with life. Not just with women, with life. Or if you’re a woman, not just with men, but with life and with our own self, making love.
[00:42] The world needs more love. So, yeah, it’s a it’s an exciting topic. It was prompted and every week we just kind of intuit it. What is it that we want to share about? and we drop in and Kirby suggested why don’t we talk about sexuality and in our last men’s group we had Kirby had brought this prompt of
[01:03] what is love making and we shared in the group and there was some really juicy amazing reflections and insights that came through I think for everyone I know for me I had some new kind of nuggets and like epiphies around this term love making which we’ll go into more and it feels like what a great thing to talk
[01:22] about to continue to explore for and unpack and and learn about cuz as we share and as we share these words and talk with each other we continue to learn as well. So yeah to start to start it off what is love making to you when you hear that when you feel that and what is your experience
[01:44] I find it easiest to to share initially what it’s not and differentiating love making from sex right away >> is important it’s really important to do cuz I feel like so many men are caught in the bubble of sex being love making and they want the experience of having
[02:07] sex and ejaculating essentially. >> Mhm. >> That euphoric rush that most men get when they release in that way. Um I feel like that’s really been conditioned into men at a very young age as to like that’s what love making is, that’s what sex is, that’s what we’re here to do.
[02:28] And you know, there’s a degree of truth in the fact that we’re here to procreate and we’re here to evolve as a species, but through uh oppression and a lot of the storms that have been created through like a highly sexualized youth, I feel to be really challenging and troubling for our society.
[02:50] So, it’s not that version of sex to me. What love making to me is is a union of me with myself initially and then me with something that is greater than myself and that can be my partner and that can be divine that can be creator source consciousness whatever term the individual likes to use I use
[03:15] creator source divine both of all all of those and it’s a union of those an invocation inviting them into my soul into my being and creating a a sense of synergy in a container to connect. It’s connection for me. Connecting most importantly with myself, with the inner God, the um that is true to me and
[03:42] allowing for that seed to grow and envelop the people that are around me. So that could be my partner in a love making session for example and it could be you know the love that I have to bring to the world. So it’s not just the act of um of intercourse or of eos. It’s how I show up in the world and how I
[04:09] show up and do the things that I want to do with the a similar um expansion of the divine that I feel within. And there’s so many different practices that allow and help me connect in a deep way cuz I I feel a big struggle of mine initially on the path was okay great. I I hear that there’s this
[04:36] beautiful path that that you can connect deeper in, but I don’t see any steps of how to get there. All I see and feel in my field right now is watching porn, ejaculating, feeling good after, and then needing it again in 16 hours and then doing that again and repeating when there’s no evolution of it. So, how and
[04:58] why would I choose something different if I don’t see any steps or there isn’t any juice for me to go that path? Right? And the juice for me in it was let’s just tap into that for a second. I for for me like I want to say nice words here but it was the potential of me feeling the
[05:25] uh sensation of ejaculation for a longer period of time and more consistently in my life. So, it was that that that euphoria and that like sense of feelood that I got when I was releasing to be more present in my life. And I heard that it was possible for men to
[05:44] have love making sessions where they were feeling this euphoria for periods of time. And I didn’t know it to be true, but I I was suffering so deeply that I wanted to try something different. And I’ve heard from many potent teachers that this is this life force and this energy within us, our
[06:03] sexual energy uh is the the one to tap into to transmute into our dreams and into where we want to go in our life. And so I leaned in and I I leaned into a few tantric teachers and and dowist teachers and my landscape and ability to feel really increased and I feel like I’m in a really beautiful
[06:28] place with it now that I wouldn’t have imagined. Yeah. So, that’s like a a little bit of what love making um means to me. And I’m curious in you, what does it mean in you, for you, to you?
[06:50] >> Mhm. Yeah. For me, love making it’s a really beautiful practice that transcends sexuality and can be cultivated through sexuality and often is spoken with in the context
[07:12] of sex. You know, when you said if you said, “Oh, I made love with this person,” it would mean pretty consistently that you had sex with them. However, I like expanding my perception of what that is because love is something that can be cultivated or made in so many areas of life. And when it
[07:34] comes to intimacy with a partner, for example, we’ve both shared about this and discovered that intimacy starts before any sexual connection. And women have been trying to tell this to men for a long time. And you know as men sometimes we forget that the feminine moves differently than us than
[07:57] men are often you know we can go right to to the sexual act quite quickly or desire that and that’s also due to conditionings quite quite a bit and for the feminine essence within us too because it’s not just the female it’s the feminine embodiment of a female >> that desires that emotional intimacy and
[08:19] I found in myself like that was at times a block in my relationships. And as I’ve come to explore that with myself, with my beloved, with you, with men, that emotional intimacy that it starts to expand the feminine within me. And it’s like the idea of just going right to sex doesn’t feel
[08:39] good anymore. like it can happen quickly if there’s already built that emotional intimacy and there’s that rapport and you have that heart connection and it’s been developed through the day or it’s or whatever it might be or it’s just present in your connection. However, to like have sex without a sense of that
[08:55] deeper emotional connection is really unappealing to me. Like it doesn’t feel good in my system. It feels like I’m dishonoring or disrespecting my own self. And yeah, it’s like I’d much rather have a feeling of connection first. So if there’s conflict with my beloved, then
[09:14] it’s feels really good to resolve that conflict and then make love for example. And so for me that love making comes in moments often before having any kind of sex. It comes in the moments where we move throughout our day. How emotionally available we are to ourselves and to the other. The deeper conversations and
[09:38] truthtelling and sharing and authenticity that we that we have with another where it’s about giving to the wellspring of our relationship. That’s something that I talk about with with my beloved. I I use beloved because I realized I don’t really resonate with the term partner. It feels like to me
[09:57] partner feels like someone you’re like a business partner with or something. And I think in intimate relationships there’s aspects of partnership. However, when I think of her as my beloved, it’s like this more there’s more in that. There’s more intimacy in that is how I feel. There’s like a uniqueness to it.
[10:17] So that’s why I say beloved. And so in that um when we she we talk about it as this wellspring of the relationship that we both have to give to through our availability through our intimacy, the deep conversations, the willingness to meet the face of
[10:38] conflict with love, to resolve things in a healthy way. That that wellspring then feeds us. And that’s a lot of what the love making is, is tending to this wellspring before, during, and after intimacy and sexuality. And that that’s really what it is, is like the giving and the receiving.
[10:57] Because what I found in a lot of other moments, especially as men in relationship to porn, for example, porn, there’s no giving. Like the porn is taking something from men and the men are taking some like it’s very transactional. It’s very it’s a energy of taking and that’s why it
[11:16] tends to deplete people. It tends to not be lifemromoting and in a relationship with a woman or a man or however your orientation is, it can be the same. Many people come at it from taking trying to get something. They want to get pleasure or get satisfaction or get relief or get
[11:35] validation or whatever, get love, and they’re trying to get and that’s a very fear-based energy where it’s like, I don’t have it. I need it. I need to get it from this person. It’s like kind of parasitic or vampiric. And that’s not love. Like love is about giving and receiving. And love is about being in
[11:53] this flow of energy. So there’s also this state of presence that is required to be in that space of giving and receiving. That is where for me like the deeper practices of cultivating my own energy both sexually and also in meditation and personal practice to be able to find
[12:14] that deeper space of presence and equinimity. >> Is there a difference between sexual and nonsexual energy in your personal practice? >> Yeah, definitely. the the sexual energy for me is more of this like primal or like it’s more connected to the
[12:29] physical. Whereas like if I’m connecting more directly to consciousness, it tends to be at a more subtle level. So it’s there’s a point where it kind of transcends sexuality because it’s in a more consciousness-based reality.
[12:48] >> I feel they’re the same. >> Mhm. Yeah. To a degree. Yeah, I mean all is consciousness. For me, when I’m reaching a state of consciousness that starts to transcend the personality and the ego and the physical and the mind, it the sexual
[13:04] energy tends to go with that like it tends to kind of dissolve >> into that state of blissful awareness. So I find there is like a distinction >> for me. >> Mhm. However, everything does like the two can coincide like we can bring consciousness and deep presence to our
[13:28] sexual energy and our sexual energy can provide life force and >> you know motivation and all the rest. >> What I hear in that is your path is different from my path to that connection because my path is through sexuality and through that specific energy which is beautiful to hear.
[13:44] >> Mhm. Yeah. Mhm. >> And so, yeah, how does it show up in in your practice? >> It’s always sexual for me. >> There’s an element of of love making that an eos that is inherent in my being that is always there.
[14:03] >> Mhm. >> And it’s always here and and present in my thinking pattern, conscious or subconscious. And I feel like that’s because I’m here to procreate and to evolve. >> Mhm. as I feel the greater mass of the population is here to do you know um
[14:21] that’s why we I believe are here and so in knowing that I believe that all things can be perceived that way and I like this way of looking and being because it feels really good in all of the areas and all of the ways for me and it’s not in sexualizing things but it’s in knowing that my essence is that and
[14:44] the energy and the connection that I foster and create with with the above, below, uh, in, out is all from that place of of love, of tantric energy, of prana that’s flowing through my body. Yeah. So, I’m not sure that if I answered your question, but that’s kind of like a a
[15:11] deeper sense of what it what it means to me. And yeah, I feel like it it also encompasses like many beautiful practices that do not include any sexual contact. >> Mhm. you know, and it and it can be very um beautiful to to just be in that sense of love without having
[15:32] any prioritization around um sexual practice, but it’s inherent, I believe, in all people. >> So, and an an element of it is always present whether we’re conscious of it or not. >> Mhm. >> Yeah.
[15:48] >> Yeah. The way I like to relate to the sexual energy too is from like the the Dowist Chinese perspective where it’s like the three treasures they’re called which is Jing, Chi, and Shen. So Jing is like your kidney, adrenal, sexual, primarily your sexual energy and it’s very heavy
[16:06] and dense and much more physical. And then the chi is this more fluid flow of energy that moves through your being which the jing is more more dense. The chi is more subtle and then the shen is like the the light of your soul like the light of your spirit. And so the jing and theqi or the yeah the jing and theqi
[16:28] can be feeding of the spirit in that system. So when we have strong life force energy it’s like another way to describe it is like a candle that the jing is like the wax theqi is like the flame and the light that the flame emits is the the spirit. So I find that if I’m practicing and and
[16:51] I’m talking more like formal spiritual practice like if I’m connecting with my beloved like or with myself in a sexual way like there’s just sexual energy. It’s not you can’t like there’s not a transcendence of that energy. It’s more in like the deeper personal practice of exploring consciousness.
[17:09] >> There isn’t a transcendence of the energy in a personal practice for you or there is >> Yeah. So I’m talking more about like you ask me if there’s a separation. So if like if I’m practicing in a deep space of meditation or chiong or cultivation of my inner world, there’s a space of
[17:27] consciousness that is connecting with the light of the flame. And the more that you move towards the light of the flame and what’s even beyond the light of the flame, moving into deeper spaces of consciousness, the physical tends to start to dissolve. we start to transcend the physical through those deeper
[17:46] practices >> and so then the sexual energy is not as present like you reach a certain state of consciousness and it tends to transcend the sexual energy so there’s like one of my elders talks about the stories of the different peoples in the Americas especially in South America in
[18:06] the places like Machu Picchu and these states or these cities that were built in magical means that the people there had very high consciousness and that the elders say that those people were such high consciousness, they no longer had sex. Like they didn’t they only had sex when they needed to create
[18:27] another human being. Otherwise, they were in such a high state of consciousness and such bliss and ecstasy beyond the sexual energy that it would to have sex actually lowered their energy level. And so it was kind of like drawing straws. I mean those are paraphrasing it, but it was like drawing
[18:45] straws to be like, “Okay, who’s going to procreate?” Because you would have to lower your energy to procreate. So it’s not that there’s not pleasure in those states. It’s just like the sexual energy is a more physical energy. So when those when like the concistadors and the people from Europe came, there’s
[19:06] many stories of different peoples in the Americas that were living in these higher states of consciousness where they just transcended. They’re like, well, our time here is over. There’s this wave of darkness and evil coming through people and there’s going to be like they saw what was coming and so
[19:23] they simply transcended. They had Maha Samadei. just simply went into the next realm of existence and they were done. So, you know, these are these are more like where I’m speaking of in terms of beyond the sexual. But if I’m with my with a with my beloved, then it’s like, yeah, you’re having sex. So, or you’re
[19:47] connecting in an emotional way. So you’re working on a more human physical level and the cultivation of consciousness and a connection to God and love and truth will generally only benefit those connections cuz it’s it increases one’s capacity to love cuz for me when I imagine love like the source
[20:10] of love is God is consciousness is like the light of the flame. It is the the essence of our being. So the more that we can connect with that place within oursel, the more that we can make love with another because we have a a deeper connection to love.
[20:31] And that’s where there’s a flow of giving in that energy, too, that it’s a it’s a very giving energy. So it’s very present with what is, right? It’s like present with the sensations, the feelings, the experiences, whether they’re positive or negative,
[20:52] right? Like sometimes in love making, it’s not always just this like ecstatic state of bliss or pleasure. It can sometimes bring up deep shame or insecurity or fear or pain, >> hard boundaries. >> Mhm. Yeah. Totally.
[21:09] And so it’s definitely, you know, can bring tears of joy or tears of sorrow and pain. >> That’s the nature of love. So yeah, that’s to kind of give more context of like how I differentiated the two in in some practice. >> It’s beautiful. And I’ve been in
[21:31] relationship with someone where we did a lot of like consciousness based meditations where it is about connecting to that consciousness and there wasn’t as much polarity. There wasn’t as much sexual connection because that’s just how it is. It’s like the closer you get to this like divine
[21:49] source and start to move beyond the duality of the physical, the less polarization there is cuz you’re moving more to this neutral point which can be very peaceful and blissful but it doesn’t always translate into a strong charged relationship and
[22:08] >> Yeah. >> Yeah. So um yeah there’s limitations in that sense. Yeah it’s a beautiful topic you know it’s it’s really you like we’re in these bodies where where we are in the physical right now.
[22:30] I can feel this. This hurts. Right? So, it’s like I know that I can feel that and I know that I can feel the opposite of what hurting is or or challenge or pain and where do I choose to reside and how and why and yeah, I really I I love the explanation and how you kind of went
[22:48] went through it with, you know, the Yeah, thank you for sharing that. Yeah, it gives me some stuff to ponder and think about for the rest of my day. And and yeah, you know, I still feel pretty like certain in my field that that it’s the sexual energy that um creates that
[23:10] holding for me that that is the light as well. I don’t really see the differentiation. uh although it was explained well you know I just I have to think about it before >> and it’s a beautiful thing like I used to um always have to agree or disagree
[23:26] with somebody on something in a firm way and and it’s beautiful to know and and have the ability to take it to think about it and then see how that fits into your life before >> choosing a a definitive path >> you know >> Yeah.
[23:43] >> Mhm. >> challenging ideas. >> Totally. Yeah. >> And and seeing Yeah. like recognizing that so much of our reality is based on beliefs and and narratives that we resonate with. And it’s in the pursuit of truth that I’m
[24:02] I’m always in the pursuit of truth and like getting as close to like the deep truths as possible. Mhm. >> Which is part of why I love studying different ways like Dowoism or Vadic teachings or Native American ways or the ways of the Christ and like all these different ways on the planet and finding
[24:21] where there’s these similarities, >> right? >> And one of the reasons that I’ve perceived that a lot of spiritual traditions speak of like not engaging in sexual activity is not because it’s like bad or wrong or anything like that. I mean there’s a lot of shadow in that
[24:39] however is because it can pull like if you’re on the path of liberation from lifetime and reincarnation then it’s emerging back into consciousness and that the sexual energy does have a tendency to keep us engaged in the physical life. >> [clears throat]
[24:57] >> And that path in many spiritual traditions, not to say that that’s the path, it’s just a path, is to transcend the physical. And another way is to bring consciousness into the physical and to bring God into our physical life, which is more the path that I feel called to
[25:16] is like merging with consciousness and connecting to consciousness and also bringing consciousness into my human life and into into my connection with my sexuality. >> And that is love making. Yeah. >> In essence, like that’s love making to me.
[25:29] >> Yeah. >> Mhm. Right. Yeah. Like bringing God into your relationships. >> Exactly. And into specific sexual containers that aren’t always just like we’re going to sit and and and think about and meditate on Christ consciousness um for a period of time.
[25:46] It can be spicy. It can be role playing. It can be, you know, whatever. >> Dress dress up like Jesus. [laughter] >> I haven’t tried that one yet. That’s funny. >> You know, I hear you though. >> Yeah. Yeah. But it can be really like
[26:03] enjoyable and euphoric. And like that’s the thing about love making is it it can be really really good for both people. And it’s important that it is right. And it’s important that within sexual love making containers that we can speak our truth and show up and and lean into edges that we’re curious about
[26:24] >> and we’re not certain with they’re not all going to go really well. >> Yeah. >> Right. Some will and some won’t. >> Mhm. And having a partner to or a beloved or somebody to share those experiences with >> creates like a a variety and a pallet
[26:45] that’s that can be really beautiful. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. And I feel like to build on what you’re saying, one way to really interpret the experience of anything is not on the experience but the fruits that it bears. >> Mh.
[26:58] >> So for example, you brought up watching porn. Like most men, especially men who are more conscious of their inner world or their being, is that in the moment of engaging with porn, it may feel good physically. Sometimes it doesn’t even. However, afterwards, it often doesn’t feel good. It tends to detract from
[27:16] someone’s life. It reduces their intimacy with themsel and others. It can create sexual dysfunctions, all sorts of stuff, right? So, the fruits of it don’t bear good things in someone’s life generally. Whereas a healthy self-love pre practice where it’s not engaging in those fantasies but just simply being
[27:33] fully present with your body alone with creating a romantic setting will tend to enhance your intimacy with yourself with your partner. It’ll build your sexual energy in a healthy way. It’ll give you more control over it in a way that’s you know dignified and >> and so it bears good fruits. And so it’s
[27:50] the same with like love making with a partner that if we sit if we engage in love making and afterwards we feel a sense of deeper love or connection with oursel or the other then that shows that the fruits are good you know whereas you know I don’t really have experience with like one night stands and stuff.
[28:10] However, often there can be this, from what I’ve heard from others, a sense of like it’s never quite enough or feeling depleted or feeling guilty or feeling, you know, just depleted from those experiences or if you’re with someone that doesn’t have a container of strong love when you after having sex, it
[28:27] doesn’t always you don’t feel more connected necessarily. So it’s kind of like gauging it from the fruits that are born born from it which when we make love even if it brings up negative things that are challenging generally through that it creates a deeper sense of trust and
[28:47] safety in the relationship and and love with ourselves. >> Trust is built through saying the hard thing. >> Mhm. >> Yeah. So, it’s like when when you feel like you can’t say something is when you likely should lean in.
[29:01] >> Mhm. >> Yeah. >> Mhm. Yeah. And so what’s your experience with that? Like in moments if you look on your past where like it hasn’t been about love making, it’s been about your own
[29:16] gratification or pleasure or escapism and how you felt after those or what the what the fruits of those were in your life >> versus the fruits of a loving connection such as what you share with your partner now. >> There was a hard stop to them. Like it
[29:34] felt really good and then it was over. Mhm. >> And then it was like, okay, life goes on and I was back to the vibration that I felt before. >> Mhm. >> Whereas now it’s like the the container could be complete, be it
[29:51] in a sexual sense or a or nonsexual sense. The container could be complete, but the vibration from the container lasts a lot longer and and encompasses me and my family. I feel with like euphoria and laughter and play and fun and just >> like a it increases the vibration of the
[30:13] collective household and the people around me. M >> so it’s like that’s where it continues to grow and envelop and hold more and more and more and it’s continuing to expand whereas you know previously through I have had experience with one night stands and and
[30:33] yeah it it felt good in the moment but then it was over and it’s like and there’s nothing lasting there. So that that created uh a deficit in me. And looking back, I now know that like in making love or having sex with somebody, it wasn’t necessarily making love, but having sex
[30:57] with somebody, you take on a little bit of that person every single time. And if I were to go back and tell myself something as a younger person, I would say know that. just know that um as a truth >> and navigate yourself accordingly >> and discern.
[31:16] >> But that’s a really key part that I I wish I had told my or I knew as a younger person. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Thank you. It’s really beautiful and kind of ties into some of the things I was considering earlier around energy levels, states of consciousness and
[31:34] sexuality where like some people like if we’re operating at a very destructive level of consciousness such as like being chronically depressed or like afraid or you know in an apathetic state or just stuck in those negative patterns of addictions. Then the act of having sex,
[31:53] especially for a man ejaculating, will in that moment of pleasure actually raise up our energy. Even just for a man to see a very beautiful, radiant woman can lift our energy. It can actually and we all feel it, right? Like it’s a sense of like we can feel an elation from it. Not even a sexual thing. It’s just like
[32:11] like seeing beauty in nature. See being in a beautiful sunset. It raises our energy. And sexuality has the same effect. And if we’re even if we’re engaging with sex like watching porn or like um engaging with a woman in a way that’s not respectful, it still raises that energy because the act of sex is a
[32:30] it can have a certain frequency even if it’s just pleasure seeking because it’s it’s it’s liferomoting. Sex is about creating life. Whereas when we make love, it’s now the love making supersedes the the pleasure in a way, right? >> Yeah. Like it’s now like it’s about the
[32:50] pleasure. It’s about the enjoyment, but it’s also about >> raising our energy to this more spiritual place of love >> where it’s with it’s alive with what is like wo like this deep trauma came up. Okay, we’re going to just like stop everything and you know be present with
[33:04] this or this doesn’t feel right and we’re just going to be present with it or whatever. You know, it’s like love is the priority, not getting >> pleasure, right? And that’s and that’s I think a key distinction and that’s where for me it’s like that’s how they are the same in that like [clears throat] if
[33:20] there’s something that comes up in a container it stops and we find you know that that path that the container doesn’t necessarily stop but we we hold it and we create spaciousness without >> without having a goal or [clears throat] um wanting to get to a certain place in it. It’s just a creative place to be and
[33:40] exist. >> Mhm. Yeah, totally. It’s like it’s not like there’s no destination and and the moment there’s a destination, we’re now disconnected from the present moment, which is where we find love and it completely changes the vibration
[33:59] >> and attaching to it, >> right? If I’m attached to ejaculation, then that’s really not serving of the container >> cuz then as soon as that’s over, then it’s over. >> Mhm. >> You know,
[34:11] >> Yeah. That’s really interesting. >> And it’s now like becoming about getting something from the person, right? And that’s >> transactional. Exactly. In essence, >> the energy of getting, taking is not loving. It’s not bad or wrong. It’s okay. Like we all do it. We all have
[34:28] tendencies in life for that. It’s just like it doesn’t feel good. If if someone comes if like if some like even in sales, you know, like if someone’s selling you something and you can tell they just want to get your money, they’re trying to like silver tongue salesman you it doesn’t feel good in the
[34:45] system. It’s like I don’t like that. But if you can tell someone authentically is like, “Oh, you’re here to spend money potentially on something. Let me help you to buy the best car to suit your needs or like to really serve in some way.” There’s an energy of of then giving. It’s it’s not a
[35:01] >> they’re not trying to get something from you. they’re trying to give to you. >> Mhm. >> So in in sexuality, it’s the same. Like if we’re constantly trying to give to our partners and also receive what we need and speak our needs and give to oursel too, then it creates a space of
[35:17] love and safety cuz it just doesn’t feel good, you know, someone wants something from you. >> It’s like a very it just like pushes people away. >> Mhm. [clears throat] It’s like if someone that that energy of desire and grasping tends to push people
[35:32] away >> and it also creates polarity. >> Mhm. >> Topic next week, polarity. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. And it can create healthy or unhealthy polarity.
[35:47] >> Mhm. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. When polarity is created subconsciously, it’s unhealthy. Mhm. >> When it’s consciously created, it’s beautiful >> and can still be very challenging. >> Yeah. And it’s like there’s nothing
[35:59] wrong with the desire. And the desire is what stimulates all creation. It’s when there’s the taking, the getting, the the grasping, the clinging that a desire can create. If we are emotionally attached to something that tends to create the problem, >> the power and the control.
[36:20] >> Mhm. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Mhm. So desires are great. They’re important. They stimulate life and creation. It’s just Yeah. being present with love, lovingly manifesting our desires,
[36:41] which is another form of making love. [snorts] Yeah. So, do you have any closing thoughts about this topic? [sighs and snorts] Yeah. I just want to invite anyone listening that if you find yourself in the in the pattern and the path of,
[37:06] you know, attached to orgasm, attached to releasing, attaching to um what you know sexuality and love making to be. get curious about it. >> Curious about a different way, a way of actually deepening in more pleasure. Um, letting go of old ideas that are perhaps
[37:31] no longer serving you. >> Mhm. >> Yeah. And we are here and would love to support you in the best way that we know how through men’s work, through Yeah. one-on-one offerings. Mhm. >> Yeah. >> Mhm. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. That’s a
[37:51] beautiful invitation. And yeah, I would also invite a similar presence, presencing for us all. It’s a constant practice of presence and deep listening especially with your partner especially with your beloved with the energy of sex and intimacy
[38:13] is really to ask like how can I be more deeply present and how can I start being present before I’m there right so like whether that means going for a walk or meditating or doing some breath work alone if you know you’re going to be making love or having a container with your beloved like take some space to let
[38:32] go of your day or to for your mind so you’re not going in with the busyiness of whatever is alive for you. >> 10 minutes deep breathing, 20 minutes of practice to bring that presence so you can be more present and not have an attachment to an outcome >> which is so deeply programmed. Have
[38:49] grace on yourself too. It’s like it’s a constant practice, you know, >> and the practice pays off. >> Mhm. Yeah. It’s so it’s incredibly fulfilling and enriching for all areas of life and yeah so we have our Aquinamous man
[39:12] group for men and these are some of the topics that we discuss in the group and share with the men and encourage as conversations because it’s so important for men and women to talk about these things talk about our intimacy and sexuality and the group is open to all men and we also like you
[39:31] said have the one-on-one and other group I do some other group work that’s open to men and women and so yeah those are available just reach out give a comment find us online and we’d love to connect so thank you so much for listening and yeah we’d love to hear from you about your experiences with love making and if
[39:51] you have any reflections or takeaways from this episode we’d love to hear from you thank you for watching or listening and we’ll see you next