Our eighth episode of “in the hearts of men” podcast

This is the eighth episode of Robbie J. Bone and Kirby Freeman’s Podcast: In the hearts of men.

In today’s episode, we discuss moving Bringing Ceremony Into Your Intimate Relationships.

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So, welcome everyone. Today we have a wonderful episode about relationships and specifically how to bring ceremony and how to create ceremony in your relationship and really in all relationships. However, we’re going to be focusing more on romantic committed relationships and relationship
containers. And this is a wonderful topic because Kirby and I, we love ceremony. We love connecting with our beloveds and we love bringing the two together and it’s really the foundation for what for me that’s the foundation of a conscious connection conscious communion and so
yeah just to start I’d love to hear for you when you hear ceremony what does that mean to you like just so we can define those terms what is before we talk about the relationships what does ceremony mean when you use that when I use it or when I hear it, when I hear it, there’s an element of it that
there’s sacred nature to it and it is, you know, to be held in in a really um conscious way and intentionbased way. I think that’s really important to to have and to hold with ceremony. um yeah to specifically like define ceremony to me um there’s parts of it
there’s like a beginning middle and end of the ceremony and within it um my intention within ceremony is to connect with myself and connect with a power that is greater than myself God uh source creator divine holy mother father >> um yeah so it’s It’s a essentially
um there can be really tight structure around ceremony or fairly loose. It just depends on the specific ceremony and what I’m trying to create. >> Mhm. >> Yeah. How about you? >> Yeah, I would say similar that there’s always a there’s some sort of intention.

Often there’s an intention to let go of something or an aspect of life and to call something in. And yeah, I was thinking in my mind as you were sharing beginning, middle, and end. And then that’s what you said. So it of course it’s the same for me. >> There’s a clear beginning like we’ve
begun ceremony now because there’s the gathering before but then the actual calling of powers and energies and then the beginning is that and then the middle is the experience and the end is a formal closing. So there’s always this structure to it and a connection to higher power. And for me that’s always a
benevolent higher power. Technically, you could do ceremony with malevolent higher powers if you wish. And that’s not what we do though, right? >> I shouldn’t speak for you. [laughter] >> Yeah. >> So, yeah. Anyways, that’s that’s how I define it too.
And so, for me in in relationship, that is a really beautiful way to deepen with my beloved. So, how do you how do you how do you bridge that? How do you bring it into like a practical relationship? >> Like if you were to guide somebody or or yourself, what does that look like for
you? >> Yeah. So, for me that looks like spending time consciously together, creating a period of time where we’re going to be. And that can be often in a setting that’s like at home. However, it could be out in nature or on a trip somewhere. And so in the context of
being at home, it would be okay, we’re going to do it do the ceremonial container from 9 till 10 or whatever some frame of time. And then it looks like sitting down together and I we always start with a prayer and an invocation of God and love and joy and speaking our intention asking for
deepening in our connection. And then there’s always some sort of relational experience. So some of our favorite is gazing into each other’s eyes and having prompts whether it’s intuitive prompts or one of our favorite is actually from Justin and London Justin Pearson London Winters which is I
see I feel >> and it’s a really beautiful practice of the masculine saying I see and the feminine saying I feel and so just for we’ll set a timer sometimes 5 minutes 10 minutes I’ll start with I see. And I’ll just gaze into her eyes and say everything that I see. So I’ll say I
see, you know, your I see your woman shining through you right now. And then she’ll say, I feel whatever she feels. Maybe she feels my heart expanding and opening. And then I’ll say, I see, you know, I see the the light in your eyes glow brighter as your heart is opening. And and it can go back and forth like
that for the whole time. And sometimes it’s a bit awkward. You run out of things to say. Sometimes it is more deep and can be cathartic even where shadow comes up and it’s like you’re really seeing the person’s shadow and it’s really vulnerable and we just sit with that. And then we’ll switch after the
timer goes up and then I’ll say I feel and she’ll say I see. And it’s a really powerful simple practice that is ceremonial and also inclusive. So it’s not a solo thing. It’s very much with the other. And then sometimes we’ll incorporate other things like intuitive toning or sounding, singing, sometimes
some movement or some meditation even. So really mixing in whatever we want into that practice. And then that sometimes will often lead into love making and connecting in that way because it’s a beautiful foreplay even like energetic foreplay. And
yeah, that’s really how the container often looks in a in a way that’s like replic like easily to replicate. And for us too, like our one of our core intentions, my beloved Katie and I, is to walk and talk with the creator in each moment of our day. And so in that
way, life is ceremony really. So we treat as best we can, we treat each moment with reverence and love and ceremonial aspects even if it’s getting up and doing the dishes, you know, cleaning the house. So that said, creating the intentional spaces is really great too. So that’s a simple
practice that you could do or you could do a different diad or whatever resonates and yeah it’s really beautiful really juicy and for you like what is it do you have practices that you find really helpful to create a ceremonial container with your partner or is there something that comes up in this
conversation that you feel inspired to share? I feel inspired to share my process to what it looks like and bringing it into my relationship. And the first part of that is checking in with the willingness of myself to see, am I willing to do this? And if
that’s a yes, checking in to see if my partner is willing and wanting um the same. And if that’s there, then from that place, we can dreamscape a little bit and and you know, lean into what it looks like. Maybe it’s a a tantric practice, a tantric ceremony. Maybe it’s um a breath work ceremony
that we want to sit in. Maybe it’s connection. Maybe it’s vulnerability. And and then from that place um leaning into the area of desire that I’m feeling and that my partner’s feeling in that moment. So I think the first is checking in with willingness and then setting it setting the time and the space. So
creating that really clearly um knowing that it may change and and not being attached to it happening, not being attached to the breath work or whatever it may be and checking in again before say you know it’s challenging for me to set a ceremonial space for 5 minutes from now.
Mhm. >> Right. more time and energy and intention has to be taken from my my body, mind and spirit to create that container in a way that it will be held well. Sure, I can create it, but the probability of it not being held as well is far higher. So, I choose not to. I
know myself, right? So um setting it for the next day or much later intentionally unless it’s recurring which is which is preset and and setting the you know appropriate block of time and then having a check-in point before checking in and then actually if it’s still a yes going into it and I really
like regardless of the practice or the ceremony specifically that I’m creating with my partner um a connection practice of some form form can be physical touch. It can be eye gazing. It can be um it can be sitting in front of one another with the lights off in a room in complete darkness and just listening to
the you know how one another are breathing. Just a deep way to to spiritually connect with the other person. >> Yeah. And then allowing, you know, within it for what to organically arise in some of them and just and feel it, you know, having more key structures to
follow if we want and following them, you know, in alignment in the moment because if it falls out of alignment, then we’re not authentically being present, right? So, um, and continuing to check in with ourselves and our and our beloveds as far as where we stand and where we feel.
Are we are we feeling, you know, this magnifying connection and also trusting it? >> Yeah. Um, I love consciously breathing with my partner. You know, Hannah and I sit in in such deep spaces uh with a connected breath
often and it really feels like our fields are expanding and merging and then you know kind of um in encompassing the room in the space and I feel like there’s a really divine union that happens um when we are open and surrendered and receiving and giving in ceremony together.
It’s a really magical space and sacred space to me in my heart. >> Mhm. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Thank you for sharing that. I love what you shared about that at the blast piece around divine union because for me that’s what makes a union divine
is being able to sit in ceremony and in conscious connection and practice where there is an invitation of a higher power that’s beyond the union that is governing and guiding the union which for me I relate to that power is God or the creator and creating structure structured spaces for
that cultivation is really crucial and it’s also something that we need to practice in our own life as individuals like I know for me my capacity to sit in ceremony with my beloved is based on my capacity to sit in ceremony on my own create that space on my own and in other settings with
groups or whether it’s leading or participating in a ceremony that all of that cult Cultivation prepares me to create that space and my own daily practice because as as we’re talking it’s like ceremony and practice they go are going together in this conversation where we can consider sitting and doing
a breath work practice with our partner is a form of ceremony especially if we bring in that deeper intention of like a prayer and a deeper intention for what we want to create as a result of it. So the way that I talk about it is temple time with
me like Katie and I talk about it as temple time. >> It’s how we talk about it because that’s kind of a nice way to to refer to it. And I think we got the idea I don’t know if he calls it this but John Weinland talks about something like that temple time or something similar where it’s
this intentional space that we’re talking about to honor and show respect and love for the relationship. And it’s so important especially in the busyiness of life because if you don’t create that space time will just pass on and the intimacy that deep closeness will diminish right because if you’re not
creating it it’s going to get filled with other things and I find that it’s like this space where we really make love like meaning create love. >> Yeah. >> Right. like it it makes love. Like it creates love in the bond that then the
next day it’s still felt. Whether we make physical love and have sex or not, it’s that’s not really what it’s about. It’s >> they’re totally different. >> Yeah. It’s about creating deeper love and capacity for love in our connection. >> Yeah. Sacred sexuality is a part that’s
that’s a ceremony as well. you know, if you’re practicing sacred sexuality with yourself >> and your beloved, you know, that is a place to really connect in that way. >> You know, >> yeah. And it can be fun and it can be spicy and it doesn’t have to be dull and
mundane. It can be really rich. And that’s what I that’s what I really encourage is >> look at what ceremony can mean to you and how beautiful it can be, >> right? Because a lot of people um that I’ve worked with see ceremony as something that can be really rich and
beautiful, but um they also see it as like some a chore. >> Mhm. >> Right. And and I don’t like the energy of chore around ceremony cuz it it’s not that for me. >> And it doesn’t have to be that for any of the listeners. You can create
something in ceremony that is beautiful and serving you in a really good way. >> Right. And that’s the the step into that is just getting curious as to what that can look like for you, you know. >> Yeah. >> I see dance is ceremony for me, >> right? Dancing with my my beloved or
with myself. >> Mhm. >> You know, getting to know myself. >> Life is ceremony. But so many again have lost that vision in their life that creating micro ceremony can allow for that to be a stepping stone back to the a ceremonial life.
Mhm. Yeah. That’s uh one thing I’ve found that’s beautiful in relationship is that the ceremony that we share with our beloved our beloveds is that it strengthens our it’s like using this the the relationship also as a template
for our spirituality and a place of like oh spiritual practice can be shared with with another in that way and that our relationships can bring us closer to God, closer to truth. And it’s such a rich container for that. And because if you are in a divine union, a union that’s conscious, a union that is loving
rather than, you know, manipulative or controlling, that is based in love and joy, then when you bring that together, it it’s a really magical alchemy that the that the two people bringing this loving connection, it it’s like that’s how go I feel like God really designed us is that man and woman come together
and there’s this magical alchemy just like we can create life. Just like we can create a baby, we can also create so many other things. And one of those things is creating sacred space together that’s healing, that rejuvenates you, that you feel better
afterwards, that will also bring things to the surface. Like sometimes we have secret things like resentments or things that we don’t share. And if you sit in ceremony with your beloved, it’s like those things will come to the surface because in the busyiness of life, sometimes we don’t notice, but then the
ceremony brings it up and then we have the opportunity like we’ve talked about to reveal rather than withhold and trutht tell which will clean the relationship, clean our conscience, strengthen intimacy. So yeah, also seeing it as this beautiful
space of connecting to God and and knowing God and knowing love more deeply through the connection with another is a really magical thing. Yeah, I agree. And in in hearing and and sitting in this conversation with you, this is a vulnerable share, but I’ve lost a little
bit of that ceremony in my relationship as of recently >> and I want to use this time and this space to set an intention to to lean into it more and get back to it because I I know what it has brought me and that’s this conversation is reigniting that spark for me
and yeah, so I’m going to need something tonight. >> Beautiful. >> Yeah. >> Amazing. That’s and that’s a beautiful invitation for whoever’s live out there listening that this is an opportunity for you as well. And I hold that
intention for myself too. I was actually feeling that before you said that like at some point in the call or before we had this conversation. I was like, “Oh, yeah.” After because we’re doing our Aquinus man call tonight, our men’s group. I was like, “Oh, yeah. After that, going right into
some temple time.” >> Yeah. >> Really feeling that for me as well. So, we’ll be holding that intention together. >> And it doesn’t have to be perfect when you when you lean into ceremony. A lot of people are afraid to make mistakes
and that stops them from trying. >> Just try. Make mistakes. >> Mhm. >> And then do better next time. Mhm. >> You know, how are we going to become proficient at something if we don’t lean in? >> Mhm.
Lean in. >> Yeah. Just do the thing. >> Do the thing. Do the hard thing. >> Yeah. I mean, a simple way to do it is like, like we said, you both people agree to it. You sit down, make a prayer to God, to creator, to your higher self. And in that prayer, what is your
intention? Speak the intention. I want to may this time help me grow more deeply connected to my partner. Could be as simple as that and then go into some in the meat of it. It’s like some practice can be eye gazing, breath work, whatever practice tantric. Yeah. Dance, a tantric breathing together.
Yeah. >> And then have a sense of closing, a bow to each other, a hug, a kiss, a cuddling or making love, whatever feels right in that moment and giving gratitude for the experience. And to remember too it it sometimes we get in the way cuz it’s like oh I don’t have time but it’s like
that can be a 20-minute thing. >> Yeah. Make the time create the time and then you will have the time. >> Yeah. [laughter] >> Simple and challenging sometimes. >> Yeah. For sure. Especially as life >> life can be at times full. Schedules can be full. But yeah, it’s a matter of just
making the time. So yeah, that feels complete. Do you have anything any closing words you’d like to share? >> Just doubling down on don’t be afraid to make mistakes in it. >> Mhm.
Lean in. It can be messy and yeah, it takes an element of courage to create >> ceremony and leadership and and that leadership is really beautiful. So, lean into the leadership. >> Yeah. And and I’ll just share in that
that as men, if we want to be in the masculine pole of our relationship, it’s our job to lead it. And it doesn’t mean we have to figure it all out on our own. Leading it can be the saying, “Hey, we’re going to do this tonight. Are you open or this week or this is?” And setting the container and then having
consultation with your partner about ideas she may have. However, we’re we’re as the masculine polarity, we’re the leaders. So, as men, you know, lead it. Create the space. >> Carve out the time. >> Invite your partner into it. >> Orchestrate something. Make it a
surprise. It’s really, really polarizing when it’s like, “Hey, from 9 to 10, we’re going to do something really special tonight. Don’t plan anything and set the tone. Light a candle. >> Mhm. >> Burn some incense. Create a mood, you know, get get really cozy in the space
and your partner, your woman will she’ll love it. Doesn’t have to be perfect. It could be messy, you know. Get some flowers >> and and just breathe together.” Like so often women just want to feel connected. people >> to feel prioritized.
People want to feel connected and prioritized. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Women in particular. >> And Yeah. Like when a woman feels cherished and special, there’s something that opens inside of her, you know, it’s
really sacred. So >> yeah, feminine really. So yeah, that um that completes our our time together. So thank you for for listening, watching, and yeah, we’d love to hear from you and hear your
experience with ceremony and relationship. And if you have any practices that resonate with you. So leave a leave a comment, like our video or our podcast, subscribe. It makes a big difference. And we’ll see you all next week. >> Thank you.