7 Hidden Patterns Creating Suffering, Confusion & Chaos in Your Life
Written By: Robbie J. Bone
Most of my life was spent in darkness… I was blind to my suffering…
But NOT to the pain of it.
I suffered deeply… Yet I never understood why.
I could never discover the root…
I was like a ghost walking through life…
I was not fully here… I was disembodied and disassociated.
Everyday was filled with anxiety…
My intimate relationships inevitably ended in chaos, destruction and pain…
Money wasn’t flowing…
And I would find myself stuck in the same cycles in my life.
Even though I was doing everything “I should be doing”, to heal…
Here’s the truth of it…
I was doing all of the “external things”… like going to ceremonies, consuming plant medicine, and seeing healers, elders, psychics and medicine people.
But I was running from myself.
I feared the Darkness, so I never went inward…
And I suffered.
Because in that darkness is where we find True freedom.
The light is found in the deepest darkness…
It is one of the great ironic secrets of this Universe.
When I finally went into that darkness…
I discovered the Wisdom, power and healing I had searched so long for…
It was not mine though. It was all from the Creator/God/Spirit…
During this time, I had to find all my blindspots, and bring light to them…
After working with many others to help them find this Light in their Darkness, I have noticed certain themes and similarities…
Universal Truths so to speak…
That is what I would like to share with you here…
My prayer is that this will support you on your path of healing and awakening…
1) Most People CHOOSE to Live a Lie…
I finally realized this lesson, when I was crying on the side of the road…
My partner at that time had just broken up with me (and kicked me out of her house).
This was NOT the first time something like this had happened…
I had been through numerous traumatic break ups… And I always felt like the victim.
This time was different… As those hot tears streamed down my cheeks I realized I needed to take my power back, and take responsibility for my life.
So I did…
And with time I discovered that my primary motive in my relationships were based upon ulterior motives and hidden agendas… Masquerading as love.
The relationship was built upon emotional attachments, rather than True Love.
That was the lie. I thought it was love, but really it was just about me ensuring my root level needs for survival were being met…
As I unpacked this, I discovered a “house of cards”… I had built my ENTIRE life in this way.
I dug deep and unearthed insecurities, fear, terror and layers of grief, sadness and rage.
I wasn’t just living one lie, but many…
“I am not safe” … “I am not worthy of love” … “I NEED a partner/money/xyz to be ok” …
The foundation of my life was built on fear and survival… Yet I believed it to be about Love.
Suggested Exercise: Reflect on the following question. Best done in nature, or with a journal…
In what ways have you had ulterior motives in your relationships & why?
Hint: Focus on your most intimate relationships (past & present)… Common ulterior motives: Wearing a “mask”, telling white lies, doing favors without being asked, feeding off of someone’s validation…
2. Will you do What’s Easy or What’s Truthful…?
The truth can often be inconvenient… Annoying… Frustrating… Sad…
This is why I spent most of my life running from it…
I didn’t want to feel negativity and pain… I didn’t want to suffer.
So I chased what felt good…
I would be shown the Truth of a relationship. I would see how it was built on codependency and trauma bonds…
Instead of doing what was Truthful and moving on… I would do what was easy, and stay in it long past its expiration date…
When it finally ended, it would end in chaos and confusion.
When we are faced with the Truth, our deepest fears and insecurities are triggered…
In the long run, the Truth will set us free. In the short term, it feels like we’re dying…
Suggested Exercise: Reflect on your life… Is there a Truth you have been avoiding?
What is it…? Journal about it.
Then sit and visualize your life 6 months from now, if NOTHING changes… What does that feel like…?
Now visualize your life 6 months from now, if you do what’s truthful, instead of what’s easy… What does that feel like…?
3. This is the Fear that holds us back…
There was a deeper Truth I was hiding from… This truth was so terrifying, it was as if I had no choice but to RUN from it…
And this is really the core of it… We either face the Truth, and we live in alignment with Love…
Or we Run from the Truth, and we live in Fear…
We all want love, yet most people choose fear.
The deeper truth was that I had lifetimes of pain, chaos and grief buried deep within my being…
I was terrified of myself, because I knew the depths of darkness I had to face.
All the painful, traumatic and hardest moments were opportunities to face this Truth… Yet time and time again I would choose fear…
This fear is profoundly simple…
I was afraid of fear itself. It was literally the raw energy of fear…
And it was fighting for my survival…
Basically, fear is a defense mechanism to keep us alive.
Facing our deepest pain and darkness is a form of death… and to the primal part of our system, it actually feels like death.
So fear bubbles us to stop us from facing it, in a misguided attempt to keep us alive…
It does not make rational sense because this is precognitive animal driven behavior…
When I finally mustered the courage to face Fear and death… All the suffering and agony began to fall like a house of cards.
Suggested Exercise: What are your top 3 biggest fears in your life…? Write them down.
One by one, imagine if these fears manifested. For example, if your greatest fear is that your current relationship will end… Imagine it ending.
What would that be like…? How would you feel…? What would you do…?
Often when people do this exercise, they realize that even in the worst case scenario, it isn’t as bad as they fear it to be.
4. Believing in Magic Bullet / Miracle Curses… Looking for someone to fix our problems…
Several years ago I had a radical moment of self-responsibility…
I finally stopped blaming others for the problems in my life.
Instead, I began to inquire as to how I had created and manifested them…
I now do my best to hold a space of 100% radical self-responsibility.
For me, what this means is that I aim to take responsibility for everything that happens WITHIN me… My thoughts, emotions, reactions, and projections.
I have realized I have zero control over other people, and their choices. But I have total control over how that affects me…
This is how we overcome the trap of the Victim…
Sadly, I still see many people stuck in this vicious cycle.
For many years, that included me… It was because I had some deeply traumatic things happen in my life that left me feeling victimized and disempowered…
What props up the energy of the victim is powerlessness, because it is never the victim’s fault… They are victims of external circumstances!
This leads the victim to seek out a savior… Someone who is going to fix all of the problems in their life.
This savior can come in the form of a healer, mentor, supplement, drug, plant medicine, ceremony, spiritual practice, or any “thing” outside of oneself…
Often, people desire a “magic bullet” or “miracle cure” for their problems…
In other words, a “get rich quick scheme” for their suffering.
This is not how reality works…
Healing is an inside job… And it takes consistent dedicated practice…
Of course, we do need the above tools and guidance… Healing is not an isolated event.
What’s most important, is to come with the understanding that this takes self work and self motivation. No one and no “thing” is going to do it for you…
Suggested Exercise: Contemplate these questions:
How are you playing the victim in your life right now…?
How can you cultivate radical responsibility, and take back your power…?
5. People Are Not Ready to be Free… You have to Choose Healing…
Do you deeply desire freedom…? Do you desire it above ALL else…?
The truth is, many people actually do not want to be free…
One of my teachers says it like this…
Suffering is like a Golden Turd… Many people do not want to give it up.
Everyday they polish it, admire it and place it on their mantle piece…
When you try to take it from them, they will fight for it!
Until you’re ready to CHOOSE freedom and healing… You will never heal, and you will never be free…
Suggested Exercise: Take a few deep breaths and ground yourself. Place your hand on your heart, or in prayer position, and repeat this affirmation several times.
“I desire freedom above all else. I choose Freedom above all else. I am free.”
6. God Stops our World for A Reason…
Throughout our life, we all go through moments when God/Spirit/the Universe STOPS our world…
This can come through death, sickness, financial struggles, or global events.
These events are outside of our control, and they often cause us to go through an existential crisis…
They uproot us…
And when this occurs, we often feel like we are cursed or being punished.
The truth is, this happens out of LOVE…
As humans, our purpose is to be a spiritual being having a Human experience…
We are meant to Know God/Source/Spirit, and share EVERY second of our life with that power…
One of my elders says the Purpose of Man is simple…
- Walk and talk with the Creator every second of the Day.
- Take care of Mother Earth.
When our world gets stopped, it’s because we have gotten off track.
Your world has been stopped because the Creator wants to talk with you…
There’s something you’re meant to be doing, that you are not, and the only way to get your attention is to STOP your world!
When this happens, please understand it is a blessing in disguise…
So long as you stop and listen to the Voice of God…
Suggested Exercise: Take a few moments this week to journal about a time your world was “stopped”…
Explore the ways that this experience was actually God trying to talk to you…
7. The negative/suffering/struggles are our greatest teachers because they lead us inward
I would like to share a story with you that my elders have shared with me…
Humans were the last to be put on this Earth by the Creator…
When he created us, he consulted with the animals.
He said, “I have a very special gift for these Humans. But I need to hide it from them because it is so powerful… If they find it too soon, they won’t know what to do with it… If they find it too late, then it is too late to use this power for good… Where should I hide it?”
The Eagle said, “I will hide it on the highest mountain. They will never look there…”
The creator Said, “No, one day they will go there and find it…”
The Spider said, “I know! I will put it in the stars. They will never look there…”
The creator Said, “No, one day they will also go there and find it…”
The Otter said, “I know! I will put it at the bottom of the Ocean. They will never look there…”
The creator Said, “No, one day they will also go there and find it…”
The Wolf said, “I know! Why don’t you hide it in their heart…? They will never look there…”
The Creator said, “Yes! That is where I will hide it…”
And so the Creator hid this very special gift inside the Heart of each and every one of us…
The gift the Creator gave to us is Wisdom.
All the wisdom you could ever need is within your heart… The thing is, we get so swept up in the external world, we forget to look within…
And so instead of living with wisdom, we live with foolishness… And life becomes filled with Suffering & chaos…
When I began to realize this, I began to understand that when things in my life “Don’t go my way”… It is not bad or wrong…
It is actually a gift, because it is showing me something about myself…
It is gently (or sometimes forcefully), pointing me inwards, so that I can find the Creator’s Gift of wisdom…
Suggested Exercise: This week, when life “doesn’t go your way”… Ask, “What is this showing me about myself…?”
“What wisdom and insights can I gain from this…?”
- Most People CHOOSE to Live a Lie… (TRUTH)
- Choosing to do What’s easy instead of what’s truthful/honest/right (HONESTY)
- The Fear Of Fear… (COURAGE)
- Looking for a magic bullet / Believing that something outside of themselves holds the key / looking for someone/something to fix their problems.. Victim.. (BRAVERY)
- People are not ready to be Free (RESPECT)
- God Stops our World For a Reason (HUMILITY)
- The negative/suffering/struggles are our greatest teachers because they lead us inward (WISDOM)