There is actually no such thing as being a “real man”. Today, Robbie discusses how you can become your version of a real and authentic man. We go deep into letting go, surrendering to God, and how to show up in your relationships with Love.
We discuss relationship dynamics, and how men can understand women more clearly. This episode will be helpful for both men to understand women, AND for women to understand men.
This episode is taken from one a coaching call with one of Robbie’s men’s group. The theme and teaching for this particular month is “Bravery”. It may seem like we are “jumping” around a bit, because the participants of this men’s group have been edited out, to honor their privacy.
>>> Click Here to Listen on Spotify and learn what a “real man” means <<<
(00:00) – Introduction
(01:22) – Surrender, letting go and living in alignment with God
(06:00) – Using your voice and speaking your truth
(13:50) – How to be authentic and truthful as a man
(25:44) – The light that lives in all things
(32:30) – Cultivating Confidence and Freedom
(37:50) – Responsibility, authenticity and Accountability
Welcome to the Awakened Living podcast with Robbie J. Bone. Through ancient & modern spiritual practices, we offer valuable tools, practices & wisdom to enhance your Human Experience.
In today’s episode, Robbie shares teachings from a recent coaching call with his men’s group. We go deep into many themes helpful for living a more Awakened Life.
If you enjoyed today’s podcast, please subscribe and share this with someone who can benefit, so we can help more people live an Awakened Life. For more information on upcoming men’s group’s, or to book a free call, follow this link.
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>>> Click Here to Listen on Spotify and learn what a “real man” means <<<
Detailed Overview
Chapter 1: Introduction to Working in Alliance (02:58-05:32)
- Discussion about helping personality work with soul and God in teamwork (02:58-03:39)
- Questioning how God wants personality to be in the moment (03:39-04:03)
- Reflection on the importance of speaking truthfully and finding one’s voice (04:44-06:26)
- Exploring the fear of speaking up and the impact of past traumatic experiences (06:33-08:57)
- Filtering one’s voice in close relationships and creating a safe space (09:03-11:37)
Chapter 2: Authenticity and Truth (12:27-15:26)
- Emphasizing the importance of authenticity and being true to oneself (12:27-13:07)
- Encouraging individuals to embody the qualities of authentic men (13:07-15:26)
Chapter 3: The Journey of Truth (16:11-18:55)
- Reflecting on the freedom that comes with realizing truth on deeper levels (16:11-21:02)
- Describing a personal experience of seeking truth through a ceremony (21:15-23:50)
- Discovering the underpinning of existence as a golden glow of light (24:20-25:14)
Chapter 4: Connecting with the Divine (26:14-29:31)
- Maintaining awareness that divine energy is speaking and listening through individuals (26:59-27:30)
- Finding purpose and lessons in various life situations (29:11-29:31)
Chapter 5: Cultivating Confidence and Freedom (31:14-33:47)
- Continuously cultivating confidence, connection, and freedom (31:14-31:41)
- Acknowledging different ways of expressing truth and individual leadership (33:11-33:47)
Chapter 6: Responsibility and Accountability (36:31-40:00)
- Reflecting on self-discovery and personal growth (36:31-38:23)
- Emphasizing the importance of being responsible without blame (39:14-39:54)
- Practicing grace, compassion, and gratitude in self-accountability (39:54-40:00)
- Please note that this outline is based on the timestamps and content provided in the transcript.
Notes
- The speaker encourages someone to not wimp out and go through with something.
- They describe an intense experience and express a desire to do it again.
- They mention the importance of being diplomatic, strategic, and wise in achieving desired results.
- The speaker talks about putting something/someone in a hole and forgetting about it, but acknowledges that they can’t do that.
- They discuss the profound nature of small things and how they can teach us important lessons.
- The speaker emphasizes the bravery of speaking one’s truth and the empowerment that comes from finding one’s voice.
- They mention that people often hold back their voice and keep quiet.
- They highlight the importance of expressing ourselves, even if it is uncomfortable or requires standing up to authority.
- The speaker reflects on the fear associated with speaking up and the potential traumatic repercussions.
- They talk about finding one’s voice and living with integrity and truth.
- They suggest that when we speak from truth and honesty, people trust us.
- The speaker mentions that when we speak our truth, it can soften others and create a safe space.
- They encourage being authentic and embodying the qualities of an authentic man.
- The speaker discusses the freedom that comes from realizing deeper levels of truth.
- They share a personal story about seeking truth through a ceremony and having a vision of a golden light.
- The speaker emphasizes the idea that we are all connected to the divine and should maintain awareness of this truth.
- They suggest turning awareness to every situation and asking what lesson or message is being shown.
- The speaker acknowledges that they don’t know everything and that this is an ongoing practice for them.
- They mention trusting when their partner brings things to their attention and approaching it from an empowered place.
- The speaker talks about different ways of expressing truth and how men tend to be more direct.
- They describe a pyramid model for understanding ourselves and how others mirror aspects of ourselves.
- The speaker discusses the importance of taking full responsibility without blaming ourselves or others.
- They emphasize the need for grace, compassion, and gratitude in being fully responsible.
- The speaker concludes with the suggestion of living with grace, compassion, and gratitude in our journey of self-responsibility.
Transcription of Episode:
Robbie J. Bone: 00:00
You kind of like the analogy I keep coming back to this month is it’s a lot like jumping off a waterfall or jumping off a cliff into the water, and you know that it’s safe. People do it all the time. You know you’re going to be fine. You know that maybe something weird might happen and there could be a random rock. But for all intents and purposes, you know it’s 100% safe. And yet, as you’re on that cliff and you’re about to jump and let go, there’s this deep feeling of like, oh, is this a good idea? And the fear comes up, and the doubt comes up, and the worry comes up. And the more that you wait to jump, the harder it becomes to jump. And the more you just suffer unnecessarily, it’s like you already are at the cliff. You’re not going to wimp out. You’re going to do it. And it’s like, you may as well just jump.
And so the sooner you jump, the sooner you realize it’s actually fun. It’s actually beautiful. And when you get in the water, it’s kind of like, whoa, that was scary. That was intense, but let’s do it again. And I found that the process of letting go in a spiritual way is very similar to that, where it can feel like you’re going to die. It feels dangerous. It feels risky. And then when you do it, you realize, like, whoa, this is actually a lot of fun. It actually feels really good. And the weird thing is, it does get easier, and yet it still feels that way. Even when you’ve done it 100 times, there’s still a bit of that feeling. But you just learn how to be brave and just not listen to it and just jump and enjoy it. Because every time we let go, it’s like we become less. Like, when we let go, we become less. And that’s what’s scary. And what’s interesting, is that the more we let go and the less we become, the more we’re able to receive. And so the more full we become. It’s like the emptiness allows us to be full, and we become full of that light of creator.
We become full of the spirit of love and joy. And it has nothing to do with ego. It has nothing to do with Mark. It has nothing to do with Robbie or Andrew or Brad or anyone, because that joy and love and power is all from God. It’s all from spirit. It’s all from our own soul. And so we’re just becoming less of our limited perceptions of reality and our limited personality. And it’s not about one of the things that I really practice in my life is like a middle path, integrated approach where it doesn’t have anything to do with squashing your ego or trying to squash and control your personality.
It’s about helping your ego. It’s about helping your personality to work in a teamwork with your soul and with God and to work as an alliance. And that’s the nuance of it. And that’s why it’s like this time on the planet is a lot around, bringing spirituality and bringing yoga. Yoga being the union of the soul into our every waking life. Driving home from work, pull over on the side of the road, you’re with your kids playing at the playground. Yoga, god, you’re dealing with some weirdo who’s, like, making weird comments to your kid, okay, yoga. How does God want my personality to be in this moment? I know what my personality wants to do, and it’s more than an elbow to the face, I’ll tell you that, but my soul says, no, there’s a better way. And so then it’s like, what’s interesting is that everything our personality desires tends to come to fruition when we do that. It’s like the results we want are achieved.
Because at the end of the day, if you go up to this guy and beat the shit out of him, you’ve got a whole nother chaos that you’re going to have to deal with. Because chances are, if he’s this crazy, he’s not going to just forget that shit. He’s going to be just like a headache for years to come. So it’s like, better to just be diplomatic and strategic, honestly, just to be strategic and wise. So anyways, put them in a hole and forget about it. If you’re going to do it, you got to do it really, right? Can’t do that. I know, right? Sometimes these little things, they can have such a profound nature to them, and they can be these ways that we learn profound lessons in simple ways. Because when you look at that experience with this man, it’s like the bravery to speak what feels truthful to you. A lot of times we hold our voice back. A lot of times we keep quiet. And what keeps us quiet, generally in the context I’m speaking of, what keeps us quiet is fear. Now, what’s interesting is we find our voice, we realize when we speak our voice, it’s empowering. And then we realize it causes drama and chaos. And then we realize, you know what? A lot of the time, I don’t even need to speak my voice.
Once you get it out of your system, then it’s the opposite. You stay quiet because you’re wise, because you have wisdom. So you realize, I don’t need to change the world. I don’t need to speak. Put my voice in an opinion soup where everyone is just wanting to hear their own voice. Like, no one actually cares about the other person’s opinion. Everyone just wants to hear themselves, share their opinion and feel good about themselves and try to be right. And it’s like, then wisdom holds us back, and we’re like, what? I don’t need to engage in that. It doesn’t matter. But it’s an important part of the process to express ourselves and to find that voice and to find it. Because there’s moments when we do need to speak our voice, when it is uncomfortable and we need to stand up to an authority or we need to stand up to a situation that will take advantage of us if we don’t have that ability to say, hey, no, I’m not going to participate in this. And I have my perspective on it, and this is what it is.
So it’s good to learn that and to just notice. Even you called it out on yourself, the awareness of what that fear was, what holds back from speaking our voice. And there’s memories of times when there was actually serious repercussions. There’s memories both in our DNA, our physical DNA, and our soul because we’ve all lived on the Earth. And actually the time we’re living in now, as dark and horrible as it may seem in our mind, we actually have so much freedom. Back in the day, you would get your head chopped off if you didn’t get the vax or whatever. You know what I mean? Like, whatever, I don’t know. They didn’t have vaccines back then, but you get your hands cut off, there’s a lot more authoritarian energy in those dark times. And so we all remember that in our soul when you’ve probably had a time in your life where you spoke up and there was actually very traumatic repercussions, like your family was killed or your wife was taken away from you or you were, whatever.
Just crazy things. And then in our cellular memory, it’s not that long ago that things weren’t as safe. When there was war, when there was situations in our home life that weren’t safe even in this lifetime. So our ancestors remember these things and our DNA. So when speaking up in that moment, it’s such a microcosm of such a bigger thing. And the fear is like this deep fear of like, whoa, what if I get locked up for the rest of my life? What if I get killed? What if I get murdered? What if I get deeply tortured or harmed? And this real deep fear. But then in the modern world, it’s more like, what if this doctor doesn’t like me? It’s like, whatever, who cares if he doesn’t like you? It’s like, whatever, he’s shown me where the trails are now. Yeah, I can go and run on my own if I have to. But that fear is also very real.
The fear of like, whoa, how does that play out in your more intimate relationships? Because a doctor, who cares? But your wife, it’s a much bigger thing. You’re committed to your wife. You don’t want to lose your wife, your children. You don’t want your children to stop loving you or to not be want to be around you. So then it’s like, how do you maybe filter your voice in those situations that are more close to home, right? And so we can see that from these microcosm, how it may apply, and that fear. And what’s so interesting, and this is so contrary, is that generally, especially in our close relationships, like our wife, our kids, our families, our community, when we stand up for ourselves and speak from a place of truth and from a place of authority over our energy, not trying to authoritize anyone else, just our energy, and we speak from that place. The people around us respect us more, and they actually will want to be around us more.
It actually has the opposite effect. Now, at first, they may not like it, but after an hour or a day or a couple of days, generally, they’ll come around and they’ll appreciate it because it’s a trusting energy. When we speak from truth and we speak from honesty, it’s trusting. It’s like, okay, I know who my husband is. I know who my father is. He’s speaking from his heart and his truth. That is safe. Because as men, that’s our role. We’re meant to create a space of safety, of love, like a pillar. So when we speak the truth and we don’t sugarcoat it or hide it or lie or pretend to be something or just be in that way that we can get caught in, as modern day men, people trust us. And when people trust us, they want to be close with us.
They want us to be around. And what’s the most beautiful part with a woman is when you can be truthful and honest and trustworthy and dominant in that way of, like, dominant of you, not of her, not of your kids, of you. Like, I’m dominant of me. That’s all I need to be dominant of. She will soften. A lot of women now have become more masculine because they don’t feel they can trust men. Whether that’s truthful or not is up to each woman. And generally, if your woman cannot soften and does not feel like she can be in that space, it probably means that in some ways, you could kind of man up, to put it bluntly. Not from judgment, not from suck it up, buttercup, but man up. Just like, take responsibility, speak from truth, be that strength and safe place, and be trustworthy. Chances are, if she’s in that pattern, you’re also in it because there’s always that mirror.
So when we step into our manhood, our unique expression of it like, for me, my unique expression of manhood is, like, I’m pretty sensitive, dude. I feel a lot. Doesn’t mean I’m overly emotional. I have been in the past, not really at this moment in my life, but I’m very sensitive. I’m more quiet. I need time alone. So I’m not that machismo guy that’s just, like, taking up space all the time, which is what people think men are, which I thought men was for a long time. I’m a different flavor of man. And I’ve learned that’s who I am. And that when I live in that. And I live in that to the best of my ability with integrity and truth. And I speak from that place. My woman is receptive to that. When I say my woman, I just mean candor like my partner. She’s not mine. She’s God. She belongs to God. But for all intents and purposes, she’s my woman. We’re committed to each other. I’m her man. And it’s really helpful to know that being a man is very subjective and relative. And the idea that someone has the guidebook on here’s, how to be a man, is bullshit because there’s certain principles that there’s some truth to them, and we’re all our unique expression of it.
We’re all our authentic version of that. So to find that and to live it and so then the woman softens. And when a woman softens, it’s like when you make love with a woman, you want her to be soft, right? Like, you want her to be soft and wet. You don’t want her to be all tense and hard and kind of like that. That’s not very nice. It’s really nice when a woman just softens into a puddle and that woman just sinks in and softens. And then you can really make love with her from the heart and from this beautiful place. But the only way for a woman to be in that space, that deep space, is to be in total safety and trust and surrender. And we have to be able to embody those qualities for her to sink into that. Because the level of vulnerability to allow a man inside of you is like the most penetrative thing that could happen outside of actual abuse, where it’s like and that’s what causes women often to shut down. It’s those past things. So it’s like, think of how vulnerable it is to allow a man inside of you. And that is the level of safety a woman needs to allow that. She needs to be able to feel safe. And so the only way for us to do that is just to literally just be authentic. Because if we try to be that thing that we think she wants us to be, then that’s not safe. We’re just putting on a mask and we’re putting on a show.
A woman, your guys’wives are with you because of who you are at your core. A woman marries you because a woman actually knows you better sometimes than you know yourself. And she wants you to be you. She doesn’t want you to be the person you think she wants you to be. She wants you to be you. When you are that, she will fall in love with you all over again. And the greatest delusion and lie men tell ourselves in relationships is that we have to be different than we are so that our woman will love us or have sex with us or be with us. The truth is, your wife is with you because of who you are as to how it is. So just some thoughts for you learning to be authentic and to embody the qualities of what it means for us to be authentic men as individuals. And so it’s really an exciting pursuit because it’s very freeing. What I’ve really found is what holds us back as men is so much cultural conditioning and indoctrination of what we believe a man is and how every boy I feel like it starts when we’re little boys. Every boy wants to be a man. It’s just part of being a boy.
You just think about it. You get excited. You either look to father figures or men in the world or, like, superheroes or some sort of iconic version of what it means to be a man. And every boy has that excitement in his heart and then he formulates his own mental construct of what he thinks a man is. And it’s never accurate. It’s like just an idea. And then what happens is that idea is usually based on some form of lack is the ironic thing. Often we base it on some idea of, like, if only I could be this way, if only I could be like that. Because it’s that law of kind of polarity. Like, we’re drawn sometimes to the opposite, and then we’re drawn to this energy that’s not authentic to us. It’s some external thing. And then we form this idea based on that and our limited perception, and then we just always fall short of it. And to really just free ourselves of that can be so incredibly liberating to realize there’s no such thing as, like, being a man, in a way, in the idea of what we think it to be. And there’s just certain principles and qualities that formulate the masculine polarity and there’s certain feminine principles that support our masculine polarity that we embody within ourselves. And there’s just certain principles of, like, whether we choose to live this way or that way means do we choose to suffer or do we choose to be free? Like, a quality of being a man is like, one could say is like, integrity and responsibility.
Those are kind of like universal characteristics of what a father figure might be. But is that really what it means to be a man or not? To me, that’s just what it means to be, like, a mature human, an adult. And we can only have integrity and self responsibility when we really know ourselves. And so when we have those qualities, we’re just a mature adult. And mature adults tend to be successful. They tend to be happier, they tend to be more joyful. They tend to have a sense of purpose because that’s just how we’re meant to live. That’s how God made us as humans. He didn’t design us so that we would become adults that suffer and live in misery. He made us to thrive. And so those qualities are just simple ways of choosing. A simple, humble sense of freedom is really just all it is. And whether you want to say that’s what a man is or not is kind of irrelevant because a woman who doesn’t take responsibility and has no integrity, she’s just as messed up, just as immature. And so it’s helpful to just pop those bubbles and to realize that ultimately you cannot ever really be a man. Because we’re not really our physical body. We’re just not. And so in a way, we are, I guess you could say, because on a practical level, we’re embodied as men. And the male body has certain functions that are different than the female body.
The hormonal systems are different. They have a very real effect. Hormones are very real. If you don’t believe me, take estrogen for a while and see how feminine you become. Take testosterone and see how stronger you feel. Like hormones have an effect. And at the very root and essence of our being, we’re not men. There’s no such thing as being a man in that sense of the soul. The soul. We’ve all probably been women in other lifetimes, and our wives have probably been men in lifetimes, in other lifetimes. So the soul is not gendered. The soul just embodies a gender. And so the closer we get to our soul, the less we’re limited by these ideas. And so the identification with the form creates a lot of suffering. And enjoy the form, enjoy the body, enjoy being a man. It’s great. And just to realize we’re so much more than that is helpful to hold both. So I was thinking this week about this, the freedom that comes when we realize Truth on deeper and deeper levels. When we went into Truth, one of the things that we talked about was just at the end of it was like, yeah, that was powerful. And there was this sense of like, truth is a never ending journey, and we’re just starting it, myself included. And so when we understand that, it’s good because it means long, fulfilling life ahead. So I remember when I was doing Truth, I think I may have told the story, but I’ll tell it again. I went out and I was doing Truth.
I was working with Chris at the time, and every day I was getting was it was July, so I remember I had met Chris, and at the time I had a lot of chaos in my relationships. I had a lot of insecurity still. And I just felt like I wasn’t really living the life I wanted to live. And I started talking to him, and he basically said, hey, do this ceremony. And he’s like, the Seven Teachings, and this is the ceremony. And get up at sunrise and meet the Dawn Walker and this and that. I’ll be honest, at the time, I didn’t really like getting up early but something inside of me, it just lit a fire. And I was like, I’m going to do this. I need something to really pour my energy into and feel that external sense of purpose. I’d been searching for it so long in work and relationships, and none of them ever came to fruition. And so I was like, this feels like something real that I can put purpose in. And so I did it. And it was the summertime and I kind of took it hardcore. Like I was getting up at sometimes at the earliest I was getting up at 04:00 a.m., which was quite horrible at the time, but I was doing it. And I got in my car and I drove about 30 minutes to a mountain.
And then I walked up the mountain, which was another 20 or 30 minutes. And so I was getting there just at that point when the stars are no longer in the sky and you can just see the initial glow of the sun. Every day I went up there and I made my prayers and asked to understand truth. And I remember it was only on the third or fourth day that the truth was revealed to me, and it was revealed as a vision. I was standing on this mountain or sitting on this mountainside, and all around me was a canyon, beautiful canyon, trees, other mountains, birds flying. There was often eagles and woodpeckers and different birds, and you’d hear them in the morning tweeting with the sunrise. And I remember I had this vision, and I saw the sun start to rise over the mountaintop. And as I saw the sun rise, I saw the light of the sun as this golden glow, and I saw the origin of that light, like a great center point of the universe where all light originates, like a doorway in the center of the universe, a window where all light originates.
And I saw that light go through that doorway, through that window, and it streamed forth into all of creation. It streamed forth into the sun, and it streamed forth into all the trees and all the birds and all the animals and all the stones and all of my being. And I saw that the underpinning of this entire existence is that golden glow, that light that originates from the one source. And when I saw that, it was just kind of like an awe inspiring moment. It was just like kind of mouth open, like, Whoa, that was crazy. And I didn’t fully understand what it meant. And I remember I got home that day, it’s probably 08:00 A.m., and I talked to Chris on the phone, and I told him about this vision, and he said, well, you found truth, man. Good work. You can move on to honesty. And we talked about that golden light, that golden light that lives in the center of the universe, that moves through all of existence. And that light is our essence. That light does not have a gender, that light does not have a body. It’s beyond that and it’s ever present and it is eternal.
The body was going to die. It’s going to get old. That light never fades. And so when we understand this fundamental truth of the universe, it can bring tremendous peace because we really have a deeper understanding of what is truthful. That truth is unchanging and unwavering. And the only thing we fear is the illusion of the thing that is gone or will leave us. The fear that that form like a tree. The tree is at its essence just that light of the universe. Our fear is that when the tree dies that we lose something. But in truth, nothing is ever lost. And so it doesn’t mean we don’t feel emotions, doesn’t mean we don’t feel sad when someone dies or when something bad happens. Doesn’t mean we don’t have stress when things don’t go our way. We’re still human. It just means that when we can keep our awareness on that true essence, it brings peace in the moments of negativity, in the moments of hardship, and in the moments of fear.
And so the suggestion is to always keep 51% of your awareness on this fundamental truth, that if we can keep the majority of our conscious awareness that right now it appears that Robbie is talking to you, but it’s really just the light of God talking through. And it appears Mark and Andrew and Brad and whoever else are listening to what’s being shared, but it’s really just the golden light of God listening through your form. And so it’s just God talking with God. And when we understand that, we can understand that the fundamental underpinning of all of existence, the truth of all of existence is a loving energy. If you study any saint, any enlightened master, any being of great freedom and liberation and enlightenment, they always have a message of peace and joy and love.
When it comes to God and the true nature of reality, I have never heard of any being of that nature have anything to say about it being dark and evil and trying to control and manipulate us. They always say that God is good, that God is loving, that God is truthful, that God has our best interest in mind. And so therefore, if we can really have 51% of our awareness, that means no matter what happens in our life, no matter what happens, who is it that is bringing this into our energy, our love or our life? Our life. Sorry. And for what purpose? If God is the underpinning of all of existence and God is loving, then it means that God is bringing this to you for a good reason. And that reason is for your benefit, your evolution, your growth. And therefore there is nothing to fear. So everything is an opportunity. And when we turn that awareness into every single thing that happens. Whether it’s a lockdown, whether it’s a vaccine thing, whether it’s a situation with our children at school when we say, okay, thank you God, what are you showing me? What is the lesson here? What am I supposed to learn?
We embody the quality of humility and we will find deep peace and surrender to all that is. It doesn’t mean we don’t take action. It doesn’t mean we don’t stand up to a bully or protect our children. It doesn’t mean we don’t take care of our physical wellness. It’s not about bypassing that. It’s about living still. It’s just a different way of orienting to it. It’s moving from love rather than fear, moving from truth rather than fear and illusion. And so that’s the suggestion, is to live with that 51% and you will find tremendous freedom because then eventually it’ll get to 52% and 53 and then to get to 100%, you’re now the Master or whatever that is. I don’t know. I haven’t gotten there yet, so I can’t speak to it. But I would assume that a Master is 100%, 100% of the time, and they’re just gone. They’re no longer an individual. So that’s a fruitful path to endeavor upon. And that’s the suggestion. That’s what it truly means to live in a loving way. So that’s really the essence of bravery. That’s really the essence of courage, is to always put God first, to put the quality of God first, to put love first before everything. And that takes a brave spirit to do that because there’s so many temptations.
There’s so many temptations to fall into that negative space, whether it’s inside of our mind or in our external actions. And so it takes that strength, that brave spirit, to always say, God is loving and this is what’s supposed to be. And that’s what I found to be very successful for my own freedom. And that’s what I’ve found to bring great success on my path. To find a sense of confidence, a sense of connection and a sense of freedom that I continue to cultivate. It’s not like I haven’t figured out. I always am growing with it. Always cultivating, always finding new layers. And this is like my daily practice. It’s like how I meditate in every moment is with coming back to this awareness when I slip from it. Okay, come back when I’m struggling. Okay? Come back when my wife is mad at me. Okay, come know. I call Kendra my wife because that’s basically what she is. She’s my partner, and we walk through this life together. We haven’t formally been married, but for me, she’s my wife because that’s how I walk with her. So when she brings things to my attention, I trust it. Because women are smart in a non logical way sometimes. And trusting the guidance of my wife’s intuition has brought me closer to being a man, not less than a man.
As long as I do it from here. Like, if I do it because my wife tells me to do it, it’s not very empowering. But when she tells me something and I sit with it and I contemplate it and I pray about it and I feel it and I digest the truth of it and then I come back, then I do it from an empowered place. I’ve taken her counsel and I’ve turned it into my own counsel. And I’ve become chosen to lead it in my way. And then I always pay homage to her and be like, man, I’m glad you shared that with me because I’m realizing this or, I realize that I want to thank you for that or, I want to apologize for this. And I speak my mind to her too. And there’s things I share that are truthful for her that she really appreciates. It’s not just a one sided thing. And that’s how we can walk in balance with our partners.
We have different ways of expressing truth. Men tend to be more like, to the core of it, just speak to the truth. And women tend to be more of this feminine, kind of watery, intuitive energy that’s a bit less single pointed. So sometimes a woman needs a man to just shoot to the core of it, just speak to the truth of it and kind of rock her world from love. And then a man needs that more soft, gentle nature to sink in and let go. And that’s a good alchemy to have with your partners. It’s totally attainable. And it’s through this going inward the self mastery that brings that from my experience at least. So there’s a principle that’s really helpful to be aware of. That principle is a pyramid. So it’s actually, I think, from, like, a Christian kind of philosophy, but I find it very, very truthful. And so basically, you have a pyramid. And just imagine a pyramid. And at the top of the pyramid is God or spirit or creator or whatever you call that thing. In one corner is Robbie. In the other corner is Candra.
One is man, one is woman. And when man and woman, when we look to our partners, we get closer to each other, but we stay distant from God, and it will never bring us fulfillment. It doesn’t actually bring us closer together. We just look at each other. But it limits us. When we both look to God and move towards God, we get to the top of the pyramid together and we become closer. And so this is why one reason that I think marriages have become such failures is because we no longer live in that way. We’ve forgotten God in our life, in our heart and in our relationships. And so we just look to a person to fulfill all our needs. And your wife will never fulfill your needs in the way that you want her to it just won’t happen. And you’ll never do that for her. We get that through our sovereign connection. And as we grow closer to God, we will always grow closer to our partners. And so that’s the principle that I’ve found to be very supportive and effective in my relationship with Candor and to understand that the inner work always brings us closer to God.
The shadow work, the inner work, the cultivation always brings us closer to God. So when we see our partners with everything she brings to us, we see her as a divine mirror. Okay, she’s teaching me something about myself. It doesn’t mean she’s always right 100% of the time, because we know women are not always right, but there’s always truth in what they share on some level. There’s always some truth. There’s a nuance to this because we don’t want to just give our power up to our woman or say she’s always right or put her on a pedestal. It’s just to appreciate her feminine power and to understand that everything that’s a conflict in a relationship has the potential to bring us closer to God. When we just look inward and ask, what is this showing me about myself? And this is true of all relationships. Like this doctor that you brought up, Mark, it’s a great example. What is he mirroring for? Know? He’s showing you something about yourself that’s more subtle.
He’s just exaggerating it so that it’s very obvious. Now, the thing about exaggerating the energy is that it’s also very easy to just say he’s fucking nuts and crazy, and I’m a good dude, but he’s crazy. And it’s like, yeah, maybe he’s crazy. He might be pretty fucked up, but the universe brought that moment for you to see yourself. It has nothing to do with the doctor. Doesn’t matter about doctor. Who gives a shit about him? I mean, we want the best for him. We wish the best for him, and ultimately he’s just some doctor you’re running around the neighborhood with. The universe used him to show you something about yourself, and that’s something to contemplate. How is it like the judgment I have towards him? How do I judge myself, the aversion I have towards him? How am I being in a state of aversion to some quality about myself or some hatred I have towards myself?
And when we take that responsibility and we embody that principle of self responsibility and integrity, we grow closer to God and life will get better. So this is what I’ve found in relationships as just the truth of what they really are. The truth of this whole universe is really just a great cosmic mirror. It’s always mirroring things to us because God wants each individual to awaken. As far as I can tell, the primary purpose of being incarnated in this reality is to awaken. Simple, to fully awaken. And so God is in our favor for that always. So the whole universe is like a mirror to help us to awaken. And that perspective is helpful. It’s very helpful. So, yeah, it’s a brave act to choose to live like that. It’s a humble act to choose to live like that, because it means we can no longer scapegoat and outsource other people, places and things.
Means we can’t play the victim. We have to be fully responsible without blaming ourselves. That’s the nuance of it. How can we be 100% accountable and self responsible without placing blame? Because there’s no blame. Blame is an illusion. There’s no blame. So how can we really fully be responsible without being hard on ourselves, without being critical, judgmental and blaming ourselves? How can we do that? With grace, with compassion and with gratitude. Right? So that’s the suggestion. That’s the suggestion of.
