As an elder and good friend of mine says, “Honesty is a medicine”.
It sets us free, and it heals us.
In this post, I will share how you can use honesty as a medicine in your life. I will also share my experience of “God’s understanding of Honesty”… Rather than the widely accepted “Human understanding”.
This is an important distinction. Honesty is about telling the Truth. Yet… What is Truth?
When we look at Human truth, it is relative to the people, places, things and situations of our past and present circumstances.
When we look at God’s Truth, we find something far more Universal and Unifying.
This why Truth is the beginning of our 7 Principles program. Without a foundation of Truth, we are lost. Honesty is the second principle and teaching.
Honesty Medicine is about Living in alignment with the Creator’s Truth. Truth is a noun, whereas Honesty is a Verb.
The way that we live our lives defines if we are honest or dishonest… If we live in Truth, or if we live a Lie.
I did not Know Truth, So I Lived a Lie…
By the time I was 14 years old, a darkness had taken root within me…
I had spent the better part of my life feeding it… Giving it everything it wanted: Sugar, Food, TV, Video Games, Porn/Sex, Isolation, and most importantly, FEAR.
I was 12 years old, and summer break had just begun. I was filled with excitement. It was like electric butterflies filled my entire stomach, quickly bubbling up into my chest…
The excitement had nothing to do with the Weather. It had to do with TIME.
I finally could stop “wasting” my time at school, and I could focus on what really mattered… Sitting in a cold, damp basement, illuminated by a hypnotizing blue light.
This was my best friend at the time: A computer screen.
The basement was about 4 feet under the Earth, and there was a single window, which I kept covered. I didn’t like the light getting in…
Growing up I had quite a few friends, but one by one they fell away. Mainly because I never answered their calls.
I remember my brother wisely scolding me… “If you don’t answer their calls, eventually they will stop calling…”
I didn’t believe him. But he was right…
This being said, I had one friend down the road.
To be honest, I didn’t really like him… He annoyed me. So I am not sure I would have called him my “Friend”… But that’s what he called me.
He was determined. Every morning and afternoon, he would come to my door and knock… Then he would come around back to my basement window and knock even louder.
I never answered. I hid away, and pretended I wasn’t home.
Eventually he would leave, only to come back the next day.
About halfway through summer break, he left my life and never came back.
From the moment I woke up, until I went to bed, I would play a Video Game called World of Warcraft, scroll the internet and do all sorts of unspeakable acts (I’ll leave it to your imagination what a 12 year old gets up to, alone on a computer all day).
That basement was my life. By the time I was 14 years old, all I knew was darkness.
There is no Truth in that darkness… Because the only thing holding it in place are the walls that keep out the light.
This darkness was my false self. Even though it could feed on just about anything, It was always hungry…
But never satisfied.
Feeding it was my addiction. I guess you could call it my “addictive personality”…
Eventually, the Creator smiled upon me… And he cracked me open like a nut.
That’s when my dad got sick with Cancer, and began his journey home to the Spirit world.
That’s when I walked out from that basement, and began the long painful process of Living life.
It took me many years to get the hang of it…
The darkness was strong, and I continued to feed it long after my dad died.
But there was light inside of me now, and nothing could keep it out.
My Lies Were So Convincing… Even I Believed Them.
I know what you’re thinking… Where were your parents?!
They didn’t know how to manage this situation… And truth be told, the internet was new. They didn’t understand or even realize the nature of this problem.
I was also VERY good at hiding. I had an innocence and sweetness… I kept out of trouble and I didn’t bother them. I was deeply unaware and ignorant of my own suffering, and so were they.
I don’t think any of us really understood what was happening.
The Truth is, my mom and dad loved me so deeply. They raised me in a good way. That’s why I was able to pull myself out of this mess.
This was my karma. They couldn’t change it. I had to go through this…
I had to live a lie in order to find the Truth.
God can be a bit twisted like that… Because as Humans we learn through contrast.
This is What It Mean to “Live a Lie”… And Why It is a Spectrum.
To put it simply, living a lie is when we choose to feed our false self, rather than our True Self.
It is when we live contrary to God’s Truth…
Most people have little to no understanding of God’s Truth, and so most people are living a lie. This is why the world has spiralled into such darkness…
I know this sounds bleak. But I am just being Honest with you… (Pun intended).
And we need to be honest in order to heal. It’s like any addiction. The first step is the most important and the most difficult: Admitting we have a problem.
It’s important to realize that “living a lie” is on a SPECTRUM. It’s not always black and white. We can fall into a lie in a season of our life… Or even for a brief moment throughout our day.
This being said… To truly “live a lie”, we need to be living 51% of our life as our false self. Are you living your life as 51% your false self, or your True Self…?
Hint: If “Truth” or “True Self” is an unfamiliar concept, you’re probably living as your False Self. Especially if this conversation is triggering.
Now you may be in a really good and strong place in your life. You may be living 51% or more as your True Self…
I have had experiences of this on my path… Only to realize that 49% is still a serious problem. And that I was “living a lie” in relationship to specific people, places, things and situations.
In other words, my false self was still in control 49% of the time.
How To Identify Your False Self…
It is very important to understand the mechanisms of your false self. It will express differently for everyone. However these are the 7 universal ways or “mechanisms” underpinning your false self. These are also the 7 ways that you can track and identify your false self…
The 7 Universal Ways your false self stays fed and in control:
- Ignorance
- Control
- Hatred
- Fear
- Craving
- Resistance
- Judgement
These can show up in many different ways. In fact, they can show up an infinite number of ways. The reason being, that these are all internal states.
It is vital to understand this principle. This above list can be influenced and manipulated by external people, places, things and situations… But they are NOT caused or created from external people, places, things and situations.
They live within us, thus we have the only true power over them. Your false self is WITHIN YOU, not outside of you. The 7 Universal ways your false self stays in control, are engineered to keep you focused outside of yourself. As soon as you shine the light within, your false self begins losing control.
This is why honesty starts within you. When you’re honest about how you have fed and ignored your False Self, you will begin to heal on a core level. This healing happens when you begin to live from and feed your True Self.
The fundamental principle of Honesty is this:
Until you are honest with yourself, you will never be honest with others.
How to Identify your True Self:
I wanted to share first about your false self, because your True Self is less tangible. For that reason, it is easier to talk about what it is NOT than what it is.
Now that being said, I am going to do my best to outline how to identify your True Self…
If True Self doesn’t “click” for you… You can think of this as: your Soul / Spirit, your Higher Self, the Spark of God, your inner Light, your True Nature… Or whatever makes sense for your current view of the Universe.
This True Self, is your inherent goodness. When we align with it, we are compassionate, loving, generous and free. It is the TRUTH of each and every One of us.
I have found that there are certain “side effects” from living as your True Self. I have outlined them below, to provide you with a sense of when you are in alignment with your True Self. This list is a work in progress. Feel free to fill in the blanks…
True Self “side effects”:
- Spontaneous healing – Emotionally, Physically, Mentally and Spiritually
- Gradual Long Term Healing – Emotionally, Physically, Mentally and Spiritually
- A sense of “Oneness” with All
- Connection To all Beings
- Metaphysical and “miraculous” experiences
- Relaxation
- Joy & bliss
- Generosity
- Love
- Compassion
- Warmth
- Freedom
- Peacefulness
- Contentment
- Enoughness
With such amazing side effects… Why doesn’t everyone live from their True Self?!
There are many reasons…
The main and simplest one being our lifestyle. We have all been given a poor quality foundation… We have been conditioned to live from, and to feed, our false self. We have been taught false “truths”. These are also known as “conditionings”.
How a Lie Becomes the “truth”…
As we grow up, we are in a constant state of learning and conditioning. This is especially true for the first 7 years of our life.
During this time, our experience of people, places, things and situations dictates what the “truth” of our world is.
This is all relative. Which is why we are all so unique…
Some “truths” can be helpful.
For example, if we grow up in an environment that is safe and loving, the “truth” becomes that our world is safe and loving. Of course, this can lead to a harsh wake up call, when we eventually realize the world is NOT always safe and loving. That being said, it’s a good “truth” to have in our foundation.
If we grow up in an abusive and traumatized home, our “truth” will likely become that abuse & trauma are love. And that the world is unsafe. This is not a helpful truth to build into our foundation.
A story I love to use to highlight this principle is about a young child being attacked by a dog.
I know what you’re thinking… “Why do you love that story?!”
Mainly because it’s a tangible way to explain this.
This is also a fictional story (I am not crazy!!). I am sure it has happened to many people, but I am not speaking from experience.
It goes something like this:
Let’s say there’s a small child… Maybe 3 years old. She LOVES dogs.
One day, she’s at the park and sees a big fluffy dog. She runs up to it, and grabs its ears and face… Squishing it in a cute display of love.
The dog freaks out, and bites the child!
The child now has to go to the hospital, get stitches, and go through a whole traumatic experience.
After this, the child no longer likes dogs. In fact she has a strong aversion to them.
As she grows up, this aversion towards dogs gets stronger and stronger… To the point it causes problems in her relationships, because she wants nothing to do with them.
When people ask her about her dislike towards “man’s best friend”, she doesn’t have a clear answer. All she says is… “I just don’t like them.”
She has “forgotten” and suppressed the traumatic experience, and her adult self just says “I don’t like dogs”.
Her truth becomes: Dogs are bad. I don’t like dogs. Dogs are mean. Dogs are dangerous. Dogs are scary. I hate dogs.
Is that the truth about dogs…? No. In fact most people would strongly disagree.
Is that her truth about dogs…? Yes.
Is that “truth” an accurate definition of the facts and realities about dogs…? No, it is not!
I see this happen a lot with people I work with.
Based on their childhood experiences, they have built all sorts of beliefs and “truths” about themselves.
This is how the false self works. In order to create itself, it must use half truths.
Honesty is about dismantling those “half truths” in the light of God’s Truth.
From that place, our True Self naturally shines.
We Get Emotionally Invested in our Lies. And so we don’t want to be honest…
What ends up happening, is that we get emotionally invested in our lies. The “half truths” become part of our foundation. Which then becomes part of our identity…
The process of changing, transforming and integrating these “lies” feels like death to the false self… Naturally, we resist and fight it.
Death is a very vulnerable thing. If you have ever been around a dying person, it is a profoundly intimate experience. It is similar to giving birth…
Once again, when we feel SAFE and SECURE, we can be vulnerable. Most people do not feel safe and secure in their life and relationships, to be vulnerable about the lies they have been living.
The fear of rejection, abandonment and judgement from others stops so many of us from being honest.
Let’s give another example…
This time we will share about a fictional psychiatrist.
This psychiatrist has a long list of patients who need help. They suffer from depression, anxiety, suicidal tendencies and mania.
Naturally, he does what he’s been taught. He prescribes anti depressants and anti psychotics.
Although they may help in the short term, over the long term they produce all sorts of side effects.
The Doctor gets great short term results, but he has little success over the long term…
Eventually, he begins to question his methods… He goes to seminars and explores alternative healing modalities.
With time, he realizes MANY of his patients need a different kind of medicine…
Love, Spirituality, Community, and Nature.
This is so contrary to his work, he has a full blown existential crisis.
He is filled with guilt, shame and remorse, because he realizes he may have been causing more harm than good for many of his past patients…
To be honest with himself about this, requires deep humility and accountability. Something many people lack…
“Coming out” about his insights and epiphanies, will profoundly affect other people’s perspectives about him.
Many of his colleagues will poke fun.
His family may condemn him for his mistakes.
Past clients will cast blame and shame for how he “hurt” them.
Others will say, “I told you so! Conventional medicine doesn’t work!!”
All very negative…
Because of this, many people will just stay in their comfortable “box”, rather than being honest.
Of course… Honesty is ALWAYS the best move. Because on the other side, he will see who his “true” friends are.
He will also open new doorways of opportunity to help people, and to connect with like-minded people.
In the short term, honesty would hurt.
In the long term, honesty would set him free.
Most people want freedom, without the hurt. So they continue to live a lie…
How Honesty Builds on a Foundation of Truth…
As you are discovering, honesty and truth are actually distinctly different.
Especially when we see them through the lens of “Creator’s definition”…
Yet they are intricately woven together. They rely on one another. In fact, without honesty, Truth has little value. Without Truth, we have no “compass” to be honest by. In a way, we are “shooting in the dark”…
Here’s an example of how the two work together:
Here’s a theoretical situation (that you have likely experienced):
You are in a relationship that is approaching its death. Yet, you are emotionally attached to that person/relationship, and you fear its death. You especially fear the unknown of what is on the “other side” of it…
So you hold on, and you ignore that Truth…
Right there, we begin living a lie. We become dishonest…
We deny the truth (the facts and reality) of the situation and relationship…
This actually ENSURES that the relationship will end. By denying the truth, there is no hope for a remedy. By facing the truth with an honest and open heart, we may actually be able to heal the relationship…
Similarly, if you are sick, and you avoid dealing with your illness, what is likely going to happen…? Is it just going to magically get better…?
It is the same with relationships.
All of this being said, honesty is an action. It is a verb.
Now that we see/know/understand the truth… what are we going to do about it?!
So this leads to a deeper level of understanding…
Honesty is Far More Than “Telling the truth” or “Not telling a lie”…
We are beginning to understand that this word honesty is multi-dimensional.
When we see the truth about a person, place, thing or situation, we really only have 2 choices:
- Deny the truth, and pretend we did not see it (aka: live a lie)…
- Face the truth, and begin taking aligned action (aka: be honest)…
Choice number 1 is clear. So lets focus on choice number 2…
As soon as we face the truth, and begin taking aligned action, we enter a state of surrender…
We begin letting go of our wants, emotional attachments, desires, and fears, and we surrender to the truth of the situation.
We have just opened a doorway for Magic & miracles.
This is because, whose truth are we surrendering to…?
What is our “aligned action” aligning with…?
We are aligning with a Higher Power. (aka: God/Creator/The Universe)
Which is in fact the ONLY source of Power in all of existence… So if you’re going to align with anything, this is your best bet!
Surrendering to God is An Act of Honesty…
This state of surrender is an action of letting go…
It is the difference between aligning with the True Self and the false self… The false self grasps and clings. It is in its nature to do so, because it is here to help us survive.
The True Self is in a constant state of letting go and surrendering. This is because we can only “let go” of that which we have “picked up”.
This process of letting go happens both internally and externally. For example, if a relationship is ending, we must both let go of our emotional attachments (internal), and we must let go of that person (external).
When surrender to the Will of God, we are living in alignment with Truth.
What is Surrender, and How to Surrender…
Surrender happens in a moment, it is effortless action. It is like holding onto a knife… All you must do is relax and loosen your grip. The knife will fall…
The same is true of our emotional, mental and physical attachments. All we must do is relax and loosen our internal grip. This can happen in an instant…
It is really that simple.
Here’s the thing, being honest is a deeply vulnerable experience…
Here’s What You Need to FEEL So That You Can Be Honest…
Vulnerability doesn’t feel good… It is like being naked in front of a crowd…
So in order to be vulnerable and honest with others, we must feel safe and secure.
This is why Trauma can breed dishonesty in our lives… We are in a constant state of fear and fight or flight. Therefore, we never really feel safe and secure enough to be honest with self and others.
Here is the key to honesty though… you can ONLY be honest with another, when you’re honest with yourself.
Honesty starts within…
For example, how can you tell someone and share about your feelings, if you’re unclear about them…?
When you try to share, it will be unclear. Which tends to create more chaos by the way…
So the best way to share about your feelings with a loved one, is first to be HONEST with yourself about them…
You can do this by creating an internal and external environment of safety.
The way I do this, is I set time aside to be ALONE. No distractions. Sometimes this means I have a cozy spot at home… Other times, I set myself up in nature…
Then I make prayers and ask for guidance from the Creator…
I meditate, contemplate, journal and BE present with my feelings. I ALWAYS find some clarity…
Sometimes it takes several “sessions”. But it always comes…
Then, I go and share with others about it. Then when I come to the conversation, I am bring CLARITY rather than confusion.
Relationships That Are Unsafe and Insecure Lead to Dishonesty…
Or is it the other way around…?
Hmm, that is a good question isn’t it?
Regardless, they feed each other. It is like a snake eating its own tail. It is a never-ending loop that creates more of the same…
Until someone makes an internal shift.
So… What is Honesty?
Like I said, this is my personal experience of Honesty and “Creator’s understanding” of honesty. This is what I teach people to help them release and clear chaos from their personal and professional lives.
And I have found it to have amazing results…
It’s really quite simple… Learn to identify your false self in contrast to your True Self…
Then be HONEST about your falseness… And LET IT GO. SURRENDER it to the Creator..
This means that every time you track the “The 7 Universal Ways your false self stays fed and in control”, you LET THEM GO.
- Ignorance
- Control
- Hatred
- Fear
- Craving
- Resistance
- Judgement
When you see the truth of person, place, thing or situation in your life, align your will with Creator’s will. SURRENDER your will to the Divine. And take aligned action…
This is a skill. It is not easy, but once you learn it, your live will NEVER be the same…
(For the better of course!)
Find God’s Truth, and be Honest enough to take aligned action in your life.
If you’re ready to explore more and deepen your relationship with these teachings…
>>> Learn more about Truth and the 7 Principles Program here <<<
